How Do You Handle Conflict?
Conflict encompasses my thoughts today. Each athletic contest engaged in is a study in conflict. The teams have differing goals and seek to frustrate the efforts of the other. In work, each transaction or duty has some level of conflict. At home, our relationships inevitably place us in conflict with those we love. At some point in every day we experience conflict.
Some shrink from conflict and avoid it at all costs. Others seek out conflict and seem to be unhappy unless they are in its midst. Most of us are somewhere in the middle, willing to engage when needed and withdraw where the end result will not be beneficial. Personally, I think I embrace all three approaches. How do you handle conflict?
Left unchecked, or hastily approached, conflict can damage our relationships and cause a great amount of inner turmoil. How we deal with that conflict can have a great effect on our quality of life in all its forms. How then do we approach the inevitable conflict that we will face?
First, the way of peace is almost always best. Facing conflict by measuring a response and brokering peace is often unexpected and effective. Acknowledging the point of conflict, validating it, and moving to an alternative that quells anger and solves the problem usually results in a productive resolution. It is akin to a well placed time out called by a coach when the other team is beginning to dominate a game. A solid coach will calm the players, remind them of the game plan, make an adjustment, and instill the confidence to stop the momentum gained by the other team. The same practice can be employed in a work conflict and in a conflict at home.
However, there are times that lines must be drawn and boundaries defended. In those instances, a strong, measured stand is warranted. This stand is not one that creates additional conflict, but one that stands firm and stops cold the actions that have created the conflict. Again, a solid coach, as Coach Thomas was prone to do, may stop a lackadaisical practice in the middle and begin an extended conditioning session. The players are then informed that effort in conflict with his goals for the team will not be tolerated and there will be a consequence for continued conflict. This training is effective and strong, but aimed at restoring peace and productivity.
I encourage you to analyze how you handle conflict in your life. The next time it arises, pause and consider your response. Seek the path of peace. It may involve swallowing big and letting wrongs go, and it may involve a metaphorical extended conditioning session. Seek to resolve conflict and clear a path for peace and productivity in your life.
“But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.” James 3:17-18 (NLT)
Learning to Rest in the Storm
“But as they were sailing, He fell off to sleep. And a whirlwind revolving from below upwards swept down on the lake, and the boat was filling with water, and they were in great danger.” - Luke 8:23 (Amp)
The passage quoted above describes a circumstance wherein the disciples and Jesus were caught in a storm while sailing on a lake. Jesus had requested that they sail to the other side of the lake, and on the voyage, He fell asleep. A great storm engulfed the vessel and the boat filled with water; they were going to sink. Certainly, the disciples feared for their lives, as the only thing they could see was the impossibility of surviving in the midst of those dire circumstances.
My first thought in reading this passage was … how tired must Jesus have been to be able to sleep through that? I wish I could sleep that soundly. That aside, I sympathized with the disciples. They saw and heard and experienced the panic of a life threatening circumstance. I am sure they tried everything in their power to keep the water out of the boat and navigate the storm. They did not wake Jesus with the expectation that He would calm the storm, but to let Him know that they were all about to die.
I have never been in a small boat in the midst of a storm, but I have been in circumstances where a figurative storm raged and nothing I did seemed to prevent the inevitable from happening. Like the disciples, I did not know what else to do except to cry…HELP! In the passage of scripture, Jesus rises, rebukes the storm, calms the seas, then asks the disciples why they had such little faith. For, you see, He was with them all the time. Jesus responded to their plea, calmed the storm, and set a foundation for faith in His presence and His unyielding love for them.
The lesson here is obvious. The storms of life rage and you have a very present help in trouble. However, I am drawn to another thought about the story. Jesus was sleeping. God rested on the seventh day of creation. Jesus is noted several times in scripture as withdrawing to rest from His tireless work. I have to admit, there are times where I wonder if God is sleeping when I am in the midst of a storm. Why note, in such an important book, that Jesus slept and rested?
I think it is because He wants us to do the same thing. We become frantic with the demands of life. We become frantic when a storm is bearing down on us. We work and fret and toil trying to fix the problem, trying to find calmer waters and survive the onslaught. He knows how we are. But, in the same circumstances, Jesus slept. He rested so soundly that a brutal storm did not wake Him.
Brothers and sisters, REST. When the next storm of life comes…REST. Who has the power to restore calm? Not you. Only Jesus. Have faith that He has demonstrated His love and power and that He is with you. In the middle of the storm, rest in the faith that He is there. Cry out if you must and know that He hears you and will honor your faith in Him.
